if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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