ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
