how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
