You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
