do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
