I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
