I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
