OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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