You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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