I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
