just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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