girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
