Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
