youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
