The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
