Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
