I didn't shave. On purpose
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
