im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
