i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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