I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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