bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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