he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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