I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
