His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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