I heard we made out
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
