my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
