She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
