Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
