I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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