i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
