ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
