dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
