escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
