just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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