Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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