....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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