He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
