Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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