nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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