Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
