I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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