Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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