barbara walters just said penis...
i just google imaged poop.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
