Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
