don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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