just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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