Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
