Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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