oh fat girl friday strikes again...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
