Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
