glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We left the knife in your bed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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