and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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