Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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