then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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