I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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