yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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