Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
