We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
