fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
