He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
