So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
