GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
