ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
