I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
