Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize