my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
